Friday, March 4, 2011

I died last night

I died last night.

I was driving in the left lane on an Australian road, minding my own business, when a car came screaming at me from the opposite lane. I swerved, missed it and felt very fortunate that it did not hit me. I then approached the object that was causing the oncoming traffic to drive into my lane. Just ahead of me I saw a small trophy. I could not believe it was this trophy, so insignificant, that was reaping so much havoc. And then as I passed the trophy, car after car unknowingly crashed into me. I saw the drivers’ faces, aghast and in disbelief. I realised then the inevitability of the moment: that I was going to die. And when the cars crashed into me, one after the other, after the other, I expected to hear a deafening crush, but there was none. I expected pain, but there was none. Looking up I felt myself floating above my vehicle and ahead of me were those who had died just before me, but by other means. I saw them moving forward and upward with their beautiful multicoloured gowns trailing behind them. I momentarily thought of my family whom I had just left behind. And I though to myself, it’s okay. It’s okay. They’ll be fine. My heart leaped and I moved forward to join the colourful angels. I felt so content.

Interpreting this, I know that this dream is not about me dying, per se. It is about some part of my behaviour that is dying. And that is a good thing. I am changing the behaviour that ties me down, that makes me beholden to others. I realise that there are things I can let go of, things that are as insignificant as that trophy. I can cut back on these insignificances. It's okay. I don't have to always be running everything so tightly and on schedule. It's okay. I can trust my family to do things for themselves sometimes. They'll be fine. I need to trust in myself and follow that which makes me happy, makes me content. And then I will join the happy angels, in all their glory, that have come before me. I know I will.

 
Until next time,
Mervat

11 comments:

Houda said...

Why did I feel a sense of relief and contentment when You explained your soul ascending?

I like your dream very much. It gave me goosebumps. I think there is so much meaning behind it.

Suko said...

What a dream! Scary and then beautiful, and with a message, too, "it's okay". We put too much pressure on ourselves to do for everyone but ourselves.

Casey Freeland said...

This was an astounding post. Incredible. I love it. Um, what other adjectives can I throw at you. Let me know when your book is done. You have at least one sold.

Cheers,

Casey

The Writing Instinct said...

Houda: When I woke up that morning I was truly spooked. But then I thought about it in a sensible way. I guess I gave my dream the meaning that I think it deserved. And I too felt much contentment and a sense of 'the okay' immediately.

Suko: I really was scared and I still remember it visibly a week later. I think we do place ourselves under a lot of pressure and we need to step outside of ourselves every once in a while. I certainly have done that now.

Casey: Wow. Thank you so much. Your words mean so much. More than you can ever know. I will read and re-read this comment. Thank you again my friend :)

see you there! said...

You write about the dream and your understanding of it so well. I feel you will have success with your book if you get it into the hands of the right publisher.

Darla

The Writing Instinct said...

Darla: It is comments like yours that justify the time I am spending on my book. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, dear firend.

The Write Girl said...

Bravo for you! Good luck on the publishing world. I think I can relate to your story on so many levels. It's time to let the bad things in our life go and embrace the new life that is ahead of us. I appreciate the visit to my site. I will check you out sometime!!

The Writing Instinct said...

The Write Girl: Welcome to my blog and thank you for your comment. Best wishes to you my friend!

Pat said...

That is a great interpretation of a heart-thumping dream.

Congrat's on getting so far along on your book. I MUST get back to writing mine!!

Kayleigh said...

Mervat, you were already my angel :) And how I've missed you!

I am so glad to read this post, it means you are doing well, writing well (which can often be one and the same, yes?) and I am touched by the profundity of both the dream itself and your analysis.

Write on!

Missed you tons,though of you often and hope you and your beautiful family are all well.

xxxooo

K

The Writing Instinct said...

Pat: Thank you so much. I guess I was looking for positives in my shocking dream. And if that aids my writing then why not! Best of luck with your writing.

Kayleigh: My dear friend, you are such an inspiration. And I have missed you so much!

I totally agree with you that often, when life is good the writing is also good. As I said to Pat I searched for a meaning that would stop me freaking out at such a dream. And it really helped.

We are all well my dear and I pray that all is well with you and your beautiful family. Much love to you all xxoo

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